Life is short - you can rest when you're dead

I stared on in disbelief at the line ahead of me, but my growling stomach and the smell of banana peppers mingling roast beef wafting through the air kept me frozen where I stood. As I slid my backpack off my shoulder and settled in for a long, dull wait, the person in front of me turned around and changed those plans, along with the rest of my life, forever.
It asked me how I was doing in a gruff voice accompanied by a harsh spray of spit and a stench of onions and sweat. I don't mean to be rude by referring to this person as "it," but I honestly don't know if it was a man or woman. It's body shape was basically round so as to obscure any hints as to its gender, and the sparse whiskers on it's face could have gone either way.
I replied a sharp "fine" and turned my nose away in disgust, not wanting to strike up a conversation and be seen with it while standing in the cougar eat - a prime mingling location. my shortness however did not deter her as she said that he was doing "better..." Did I want to know? He was doing shifty eyes to make it clear that there was a story to that response, and scooching my backpack a few inches down the line, I realized that the wait would still be a while and my curiosity got the better of me as I asked the fateful "better than...?" She snapped up the bait and took off running with this story:
-You know what happened to Joseph Smith? Well that's the same thing as happened to me last night.
- you...(saw god?) what do you mean?
- first half. not the second half. Mists of darkness, evil spirits, Satan was THERE!
...
...
-wow sounds intense. (looking around - are you guys all getting this?!?!)
- I called the bishop, but he said it was too late to talk. It was about 3 in the morning... but I got a priesthood blessing. and another one this morning. which is the only reason I'm standing here alive now. As soon as i get my sandwich, I'm headin over to have an official intervention with the bishop. And this all goes to show that you can't let your guard down for an instant. I had only stopped listening to church music for about 10 minutes before it seized me.
(i notice the earphone tangled through his hair - she's not making that mistake again.)
We had just reached the counter and he turned to me and said
- but sandwich first. And trust me, I know my sandwiches.
So I say to the lady:
- I'll have what she's having. I mean He's having... umm.. (glanced over, but I don't think it noticed. luckily. No recovering from a gender mixup.)
Well of course it ordered a foot long toasted spicy italian with extra onions as the only vegitable. Hense the breath... disgust. but the story and entertainment ended up being far more valuable to me than the food would have been anyway.
...and this all goes to show - never a dull day at the Y!